Sorry Shannon for staling your pic - here's why I did it...

From the i answer i posted to the awesome comments on my previous post:


Dear all, thank you for a warm and loving welcome!

About the profile pic - you're right ... It was a cowardly mistake and I'm terribly embarrassed, someone was even nice enough to mail me about it too.

I'm suffering from several diagnosed Panic Disorders ( http://bit.ly/7zDUaL ) and went into a full attack ( http://bit.ly/tUAXm ) when I "got busted" but after two Xanax I was able to admit it to you all, and write this apology that I PRAY you'll accept and not hate me for...

It's REALLY not that I wanted you to think I was that Shannon. It's partly because I was afraid i'd be spottet by my BF (or what he is now, he's freezing to be around even tho I hold and kiss him, he seems so angry all the time) that I just didnt have the nerve to show my face right now.

I do have ... something ... going on with his kid brother, but If he knows about that, I'd be in the hospital now ... not that we've been together like that, bro and me, but we're surely sending red-hot signals and touching each other casually when we're around, so I'm fighting my lust with my common sense and it's killing me...

I sooo need to tell someone about it all, and will on the blog soon, but the reason for my cowardly use of that pic was fear, not to make me someone I'm not, please believe me - I'm so sorry Shannon, forgive me :(

I will add you all as my buddys and put a lot more links on my blogroll, because you're right - there are so many helpful, sweet, loving, informative ... and hot people writing here.

So I feel so "right" getting the nerve up to do this blog, because I hope to be able help or give advice to someone - make a diff 'y know? I sure have my own problems as you can see, and low self esteem now too, so finding that people want to comment on *my* blog makes me soooo happy.

Thank you so much to you all - It meant so much to me you commented that I ... well, cried but thats perhaps also because I feel so alone sometimes and when someone wants to talk to me, when my BF won't, I just get so emotional ... love you all very much!

Well, here I am - my own blog :)

First off, I want to thank my new ... can I call you friend yet? Anyway, a wonderful guy and inspiration, Jamsey over at Me, Myself nd My Hand

Jamsey, reading your posts have made me feel so much less alone, as I actually am. I know I "padded" my comments on your site, to make me look older, but the truth is that both me and Tom is 16 ... and not doing very well at all.

I know you have your own problem, and I'm too tired now to really write what I truly feel, but I think one of my comments gave you the gist of it ... don't stay just to stay and be miserable! Make it a friendly break, as friendly as those go, and then give hell in everything else and go for the one we all know you love so much!

Let him know gently, when you're sure not to be disturbed, and tell him that if he has no such feelings, you're still the same good friends as now. But chances are, he'll look shy and not move, witch means you have to take a deep breath and then take his hand, tell him you love him and see what happens.

I've done something similar when I was 14 ... or maybe I'd just turned 15, it's about a year and a half ago.

At some party i was out getting some air and saw a guy I'd had a major crush on since ... I was 12 i actually think! Went up to him, told him he looked "very nice tonight" and he stood there ... for a long time, so I figured either he'd deck me and break my nose, or he liked my compliment a lot :)

So i got closer and let my hands touch his hips and immediately slid my hands sloooowly up and under his loose t-shirt so I felt his naked sides, just with the tip of my fingers so he got goosebumps (sooo cute) and keeping eye contact I put my hands around his back and pulled him in and kissed him. You know, one of those reeealy gentle ones where your lower lip is just above his and your kiss is so innocent and beautiful.

He almost gave me a heart attack, cause he wanted it all, french and tongue and wet wet wet and actually began pulling my pants down, right there with a party 10 feet away ;-) I was all for that, but suggested we leave the party rather quickly.

We ended up spending friday night to sunday morning in my room - well, bed, floor, chairs and ... little bit in the garden at 4 AM ;-) I have a basement to myself, where the parental unit have no interest in bothering me, so I have some privileges there :)

Well, it was the best two months I've had, but we just ... faded i guess, just like me and Tom right now.

DONT settle my love, GO FOR IT, fight for what you want and for your happiness - you owe no one nothing, except yourself Jamsey. But you sure do owe that sweet guy (you) happiness, do you not?

Ahh, whadda I know ... a fair deal perhaps, perhaps nothing - but take what you can use from my ranting and raving, and discard the rest - always good advice when I get ranting :)

Love you man, and I want the best in the world and the most happiness for you so, so bad! If I could I'd even blow the devil, if he promised to give you the things you want...

Love,
Brady!